Imagine how awkward it would be if sexually transmitted acronyms existed.

“OMG!” the first person would say.

Then they would engage in sexual intercourse with another individual.

“OMG!” the second person would subsequently say, having been transmitted the pathological acronym.

In that way, it would spread and society would rapidly become infiltrated.

That would be a scary world. But on the plus side, sexually transmitted acronyms don’t yet exist.

Rather, the medical conditions that people generally care about are sexually transmitted infections.

Here’s a way to remember them: “Cghhs!” It’s the noise someone makes when they’re gagging during sexual intercourse.

“Cghhs!” This stands for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, hepatitis B, HIV and syphilis.

Isn’t it catchy? “Cghhs!”

Standard asymptomatic STI screening

Urine or swab

Chlamydia: an important, frequently asymptomatic plague of so-called “young people”. Those awful whippersnappers! Frolicking around and spreading heresy everywhere! A first-pass urine test is the most convenient screening method, but it’s better to do an endo-cervical swab if a Pap smear is already planned. Alternatively, it can be appropriate to opt for a patient-collected vaginal swab if greater accuracy is sought and an examination is not being performed.

Gonorrhoea: the diagnostic process is similar to chlamydia. This is an additional test to consider.

Blood (for high-risk patients)

Hepatitis B: there is a multi-dose vaccine for this viral infection.

HIV: the test is not effective immediately, as there is a conversion window of at least 6 weeks.

Syphilis: the king of painless genital ulcers and chancres.

References

1. Australian STI Management Guidelines (2017). Standard asymptomatic check-up. [online] Available at: http://www.sti.guidelines.org.au/standard-asymptomatic-check-up [Accessed 2 Jul. 2017].
2. The Australian Immunisation Handbook. (2017). Immunise – 4.5 Hepatitis B. [online] Available at: http://www.immunise.health.gov.au/internet/immunise/publishing.nsf/Content/Handbook10-home~handbook10part4~handbook10-4-5#4-5-4 [Accessed 2 Jul. 2017].
3. Melbourne Sexual Health Centre. (2017). Window Period. [online] Available at: http://www.mshc.org.au/WP#.WVhWkBir2Rt [Accessed 2 Jul. 2017].
4. Australian STI Management Guidelines (2017). Syphilis. [online] Available at: http://www.sti.guidelines.org.au/sexually-transmissible-infections/syphilis#clinical-presentation [Accessed 2 Jul. 2017].
5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2017). Syphilis – CDC Fact Sheet. [online] Available at: https://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm [Accessed 2 Jul. 2017].